Writings by Tim Girvin
Find Fear

I had been talking with someone -- a potential client -- about the notion of fear, finding fear. Seeking that space of fearfulness and risk.

He said that some of the ideas I offered scared him. He liked that. It took him away from his place of comfort. It is the space of exposure, of danger. It is the place of newness -- of opening.

This adrenalized place of energy, hyped up. And I like this place, this fear full place. It is the point of danger -- that is the edge of living -- large. And I like being here -- but there are variants on the idea of fearfulness. There are layers -- ways of depth -- in seeing this. Being here.

And being honest, I need to be clear, reverential. Seek reverie in it. And if I enter this place of risk, of exposure, I have to be watchful of the enrichment. I have to hope that there is an enriching in the being, of this place. The space of fear. The place of risk.

And now I am moving ahead being mindful of the risk, the danger, the gut wrenching feelings of fear. And being open to the calmness of letting it pass -- yet integrating the exposing. I believe that there are components, layers of the place of fear fullness -- of going there. But approaching this as something that I need to consider; I can't go there merely for the rare risk of walking to the edge of the firepit; I need to go, to watch, to be sentient -- and see what can be gathered. What do I take away from this exposure?

And I will reflect this in my life. Look for exposure, for opening, with or without fear, with or without danger. And try to leave it to the moment -- that discovering. Leave it to the instance. The instant. The moment. Achieving momentum and flowing on . And through it.

Beyond finding fear is the idea of finding serenity -- in fear. So when you are frightened, in this spce -- it is okay to feel it, get into it. Live it, live through it -- walk through the shadows -- back into the blinding light. And linking the two. And keep moving -- from the wavering shadows of the fear full -- from the valley of the dark, into the renewed space of the luminous and the awakened.

Seek exhilaration. Wake up.

I'm thinking that this place of fear is the place of opening all the channels -- it's the space of exposure. Laying oneself open to this "opportunity", this portal, is the step from ignorance to learning, from absence to insight.

I will hold this for a while. Keep listening. And go there, to see what I can learn.

T.
(Originally sent: Thursday, September 12, 2002)

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